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[gtlady]

I feel so guilty writing this post as I know I'm lucky to have them, my best and oldest friend can't have them and its tearing her apart, and every blog post you read its about how great they are and what fun stuff everyone is doing togheter, but honestly, i'm really struggling at the minute with my boys and I feel I can't say this to anyone as thats the worse sin a mother can do, I've got to get it off my chest and I feel safe here as 1, my friend doesn't go here and 2, if you all think i'm a bad mum at least I won't have to ever see you!
They are great boys, loving, they aren't off the rails or anything but my oldest (9) has started with a terrible attitude, the venom and hatred in his voice, the screaming and he's started lying, only about stupid stuff and being really disrespectful, the youngest (almost 7) is copying now with the attitude and screaming tantrums if he doesn't get what he wants.  They both ignore me, an dscream at each other, thougth they are probably copying me as thats all I seem to be doing at the minute!
I know its all stupid normal stuff and I can normally deal with it and keep it in persective but it is all so relentless at the minute, I just don't like them.
We are in this ****** circle at the minute and I know its up to me to stay calm, be the grown up but at the minute i'm finding it impossible.
Now I feel really crap, my 9yr old has just come up to me and given me a kiss.
AAAAAHHHHH!
Right, I'm going to hug them now really tightly, thanks for listening and sorry for moaning.
I do love them, don't like them, but do love them!

[BigBlueBed]

We are happy to listen any time.

Lord knows I need a shoulder to cry on, or sometimes to moan to, about my girl. And I shout at her, and feel rotten for doing so.

So please do not beat yourself up.  And don't feel you are a bad mum.  I don't have an answer for you, but it always seems that they are worse when we are feeling tired or down. And as you say it is  a circle that is hard to break.

Oh yes the blog - well I know I show pics and talk about things we do together and make together..but I don't show the tantrums (both hers and mine)!

Take care and come an moan anytime.

[jezzabell]

talk any time

I have similar situation, my daughter is 11 and son 9 and then the youngest 2,

but the big ones they are both in that age that I think all they do is doing everything to make nervous, they shout at each other, they lie, they don't listen when I ask for something I get so mad sometimes and then feel like I was bad mother...

that is the hardest job in the world being a parent and we are all learning everyday

[vInTaGe VioLeT]

please please please DO NOT think you are being bad mothers - no-one is perfect and when you read those perfect blogs like anna maria horner etc it is hard to believe that even she must have days from hell!

me and my daughter went through a very very rough stage but i can honestly say i completely and unconditionally love her now - and when i say rough i mean rough i threatened to send her to live with her Dad in a fit of rage once and i felt so awful afterwards 

i think our problems were down to hormones - hers and mine and once she'd started her periods and my hormones had settled back down after having my son everything calmed down - she's 15yrs old now and is honestly a joy 

[gtlady]

Thanks vV, BBB and jezzabel, it is so nice to know your not on your own, I was really nervous posting that comment, I know its stupid but we get so caught up trying to be perfect, and they know EXACTLY which buttons to press and when.

Writing that post really helped me calm down and get things in perspective and your replies gave me a bit of my confidence back, tomorrow is another day, and I will breathe deeper and count for longer, right, i'm off to look at their baby photos and remind myself that they were lovely once!

Thanks again xx

[pennydog]

I think Jezz is right- being a parent is the hardest job in the world. This is why I'm not one- I just couldn't hack it so well done you if they're got to 9 and 7 and you still have your sanity (just not so much patience at the minute!

[Gemma]

Big hugs Jane  

Just because you love someone so utterly completely it doesn't mean they can't drive you mad too. hang in there and feel free to rant here any time. Better here than at home
xxx

[Melissa]

In my experience when children behave in a very disruptive way, very often some sort of insecurity is at the bottom of it.

Children sometimes find it hard to express their concerns in words especially boys and their bad behaviour is a 'cry for help' or unhappiness and frustration.

Can you think of anything that might be troubling your eldest or any disruptive changes that have taken place recently?  Is he having problems at school with work or other children?

When they are naughty you tell them off but maybe there is something worrying them and they need reassurances.  You're their mum and you are just supposed to sort things out for them which is a bit difficult if you don't know what is in their head and that is where the vicious circle comes from.

He hates you because you tell him off instead of understanding what is wrong.

It's always worth a try asking him and opening up different lines of communication.

When he is in a calm mood say to him that his behaviour has been unusual lately is it because he is upset about something.

The younger one is maybe just aping his older brother do you think?

Come back and let us know.

 

[The Crafty Ninja]

Just be thankful you don't have girls! My DD has started with the lying already and she's only 5!

But in all seriousness, we all have those moments. I had about 3 of them on Sunday alone! It's ok to rant about it. Is there any way you could maybe liaise with the school about his behavioural issues? I've got a communication book with the school about DD - if she misbehaves at home, she loses privileges at school and if she's good at home, she gains extra privileges. I know it will probably be different with your son as he's older, but I'm just throwing the idea out there - I'm sure you could work out something that would work for him. Big *hugs* to you and good luck!

[chickadee cards]

Yes, you are certainly not alone. Mine is 8 and he has a lot of attitude. He is also the sweetest boy in the world. It is just that those 'bad' moments can seem so huge!

[Glamglass]

Jane,
I think every mother goes through the "bad mothers handbook" phase!! I am at the moment feeling very selfish and mean as I just want to bog off and see the world and I can't because of them!! I feel awful about resenting them a bit, but now they have their Dad in their lives as in he lives in this country, it has made me want go off and do some stuff of my own. I just find it hard to wait for another 7 years!!! My kids are 11 and 12.
My Lad went through a patch a few weeks ago of being moody and sulky and he said he could not tell anyone the reason why, so I just gave him a hug and said I was here if he needed me and then worried silly about him and thought oh God....Hope this isn't the start of the Kevin Phase  and I will have to wait until he is 17-18 before we have a conversation again....Thank God it lasted 2 weeks then he apologised for be moody!!
I had to apologise right back as I too had been a bit moody mainly due to the above!!
Swings and bloody roundabouts.
It helps to talk though!!
I wonder what blog land would be like if it was more like the "Invention of Lying" might be quite funny !!!

Tc and know that you are not alone!!

[Addison]

I think Jezz is right- being a parent is the hardest job in the world. This is why I'm not one- I just couldn't hack it so well done you if they're got to 9 and 7 and you still have your sanity (just not so much patience at the minute!

This^ definitely.  I don't have children so can't offer much advice but don't be so hard on yourself!  Parents are human and I'd guess that everyone has felt like this at some point.  I'd be chuffed if I managed to keep them alive for more than five minutes....and that's why I'll never be a parent

[gtlady]

I'd be chuffed if I managed to keep them alive for more than five minutes....

HAHA!  Honestly, if We think about what we do we would never do anything i'm sure!

Thanks for all your responses, It really does help to know your not the only one going through it.  I did speak to his teacher last night and she is brilliant, she hadn't seen any change in his behaviour, which is great, but he is in a tough class, as in there are 18 boys and 7 girls, and a lot of the boys have very dominant personalities, a couple have been excluded from other schools, another is only allowed to go to school for 1 hour a day as he is so disruptive, so she said he is seeing a lot of bad behaviour, disrepect and terrible attitude, so could well be picking up on it a bit, also I think its probably his age, he has just turned 9 so we are giving him a little ressponsibility and that is probably going to his head with his little brother, and at the end of the day he is only 9 himself.

I'm back on track with my perpective now(!) thanks for letting me moan, it really did help - I really don't knowwhat i'd do without the craft forum sometimes!

[vInTaGe VioLeT]

glad we helped 

it makes me so sick that our kids have to share their class with little thugs who behave so badly,  but not only do i feel sorry for the well behaved kids who get a huge ammount of enoyment from school but my heart honestly aches for the "naughty" ones because the bottom line is our society is failing them, they need help in growing up to become decent law abiding citizens - jeez that sounds really bloody dramatic but we just had the police doing door to door about an assault at the weekend where some guy was walking home with his takeaway and got attacked by a group of youths and was left with a severely fractured skull in intensive care - it's just shocking.

[gtlady]

Completely agree with you vV, I'm really glad the boys school is taking on these 'problem' kids, it is a really good school, the main boy in question has an appauling family life, and I firmly beleive that if the school can get to him that they can offer him a chance he might otherwise never get - but it is getting to the point now where he is leading some of the others astray, and they frequently have to clear the classroom because he has lost it again, and the rest of the class miss out on another lesson.

Luckily my eldest isn't easily lead and can stand up for himself, but I am now starting to side withthe parents who want this boy out - and I don't want to because if he gets excluded from this school as well - well god knows where he will end up.